NOw NOw…

WHAT HAVE I DONE! Honestly you don’t deserved the treatment the other day from me. Seriously it was not even intended to be that way. i just happened. Loads of things done with you are new…. be it good things or sentimental or bad deeds of mine. I truly apologize for even behaving that way. I know no amount of words nor actions of mine could make up for what happened that day.

All those words.. all those actions.. it was not meant to be. Sometimes i wonder, am i the lousiest Boyfriend you ever had? i always make you cry.. i’m always the unreasonable one… i’m always petty… i’m always uptight, i’m your jealous boyfriend.. Sigh~ i just couldn’t understand. The thought of intruding someone privacy BUGS me out. on that account i truly apologize too.. but at that moment, i saw that name! which i remembered correctly it was recently. that makes me wanna move on to read further. You have every right to feel that way. I’m seriously lost… Once you had a lifestyle of pure happiness… All the attention is at your fingertip.. but eversince we start out it slowly changes… losing of close friends… can’t get the attention you need from them.. no time for all the stuff you did… Is it all me? am i the main course? i don’t know girl. you feel me in? looks as though every cause came from me… but then again you can never have a wonderful lifestyle through out. People change…. Surrounding change… And lifestyle would change if ya attach… it’s about adapting to situation around us.. i may be wrong but then again, why keep on thinking of it in a negative note? have you tried looking at it on a positive note? i don’t know… you feel me in? Yes, you are a private person, but if you need to feel me in, i hope you will. Cause i’m the kinda guy who needs to be fill in.

You think my life is great… you think my life is perfect? no it’s not. It’s a total mess.. trying to survive through it and making it better along the way. Yes i have loads of friends. but they are friends who only come to me when i have the money. What friends do i have now? my closest friends are actually my colleagues besides that i have nothing. Friends come and go in life and they will never stay through out in a lifetime. Everyone have their perception of life. unless they are sincerely there to be your friend. Everyone needs attention. and i’m one of them.. ya not the only one… but often a times i keep it to myself. I’m really sorry if i’m being to sticky… not giving you the space you need… i’m sorry for being petty bout little things.. i’m sorry if ya drained out by just entertaining me with all my crappiness… i’m sorry for causing hell loads of problems… but slowly i’m changing.. Infact ya the first person to mention all the above to me… i’m sorry if you are having a hard time..

You know all i ever wanted is for you to be happy. but it seems all my actions speak of the other way instead of happinness. i really hate myself. i really hate myself for behaving the way i am…. i really hate myself for treating you that way. I know you can’t forgive me. I can’t EVEN forgive myself for treating you that way. Sometimes i’m just frustrated by your actions or your woords you use on me. Just as good as labelling me as a lousy boyfriend. Anal…. Bitch… how many times have you actually use it on me? yes on a casual way, i’m fine but not when ya labelling me down. if ya hurt by me using those words on you, i feel it just the same way.Each time when we quarell or when i make a stupid fuss over issues… i hated myself. never have i hated myself this much…

I’m really blessed to have a Lady like you. I thank GOD for bringing us together. I really do cherish every moment we had together…. I have always respected you.. trusted you… always trying my best to understand you… slowly giving you more space to do your own things. but all i need is the bare minimum from you. I don’t wanna asked for much anymore. For all the things I’ve done to you, I’m truly sorry bout it. I really didn’t mean it to happen that way….  Yes, we are going through this rough patch, this journey full of obsticles… journey which everyone couple wish to go through… i really hope you will hang in there and go through it together. Seriously i am tired of all this arguments which i created. I’m sorry your life is in hell because of me..

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